It's a Saturday night and instead of "being out on the town" tonight I sit at home thinking. If you know me at all, you'll know thats pretty normal for me. It seems like my brain never shuts off really. As I sit here pondering about life, goals and dreams for this upcoming year I realized how down I've been since taking the God leading step of coming back to Minnesota. I knew coming back would be hard and I knew the thoughts and opinions of others would be hard to take in as well. My whole life I had dreamed of moving to Nashville. There was no back up plan or plan B. This was my plan and when I thought of that plan it seemed like once I got there everything would just fall into place and be amazing. I had always known I wanted to go there and do my career, raise my family there and one day build a house and live on a modern ranch with horses running in the wind. You see but life, doesn't exactly work that way. We make up plans in our minds and have our minds set on a certain path thinking "This is the way I want to get to my goals and this is how it's going to be." But in reality God has his own plan and normally it's not exactly how we thought our plans would pan out. My journey in Nashville was one I will cherish beyond words.
It changed my life and made me realize so many things. Who I want to be as a person, what I actually want my career to look like, what parts and people I didn't want apart of my life and most importantly I realized that no matter how hard I plan or think things through, God's plan and timing is the only way I was getting anywhere. After being in Nashville for over a year and through that year praying HARD, (crying hysterically on the floor begging kind of prayer), there was one thing that never stop crossing my mind. "Saphire you need to move back." I tried pushing those words to back of my head as far as I possibly could because I didn't want to hear them, nor did I EVER want to move back to a small town in a state where you can literally see your breath in the air. The thought of that made me cringe. What would people think? That I was giving up or something? Or that it was too hard to live in Nashville? What would the critics say that wanted me to fail and waited for me to announce I was moving back? I don't want to live in small town! Why would I go back there? Why would I even come to Nashville if God wanted me to just pack up and leave? What about my dream? I've already done that in Minnesota, where would I go next?
All these thoughts raced through my head and I tried to come up with as many reasons of why not to go back. But, there was no way I was getting out of this one! Especially with my husband constantly bringing that option up. (God really knows how to get to you, because Lord knows I can't say no to a handsome man with big blue eyes named Blake.) I fought God with going back, and Blake and even my pastor who agreed that God had given me many signs of wanting this to be apart of my journey. I just couldn't see how this could possibly be apart of God's plan. Little did I know while I was praying to stay, people back home were praying I would come back. After praying and many conversations with 3 of our pastors, my family (who deeply supports my career), and people in the music industry, I woke up one day and decided to test God. I had been home all day that day and I said aloud "Ok, God if you want me to go back so badly, you'll book me events right now, today." I instantly started calling schools and event coordinators to see if they would be interested in me. The first school I called, I booked. Then a second and then a third. After the third event booked, I dropped the phone and burst into tears. Not because I was upset that God had proved me wrong, but tears of happiness that finally I had made my decision of what my next step was after fighting myself about it everyday.
Blake came home a few hours later from work, and I ran into the living room with my news. "Blake, were moving back and were moving back next month." He grew this weird look on his face and said "You're just saying that, were not actually going to do that." I looked at him straight in the eye and said "God told me to do it." That night we called our parents to tell them the news and 2 weeks after we started packing up. The day I closed the door to our home in Nashville was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I have this habit of always trying to control my life, planning things, writing list after list and thinking constantly about the future and what my next step would be. But at that moment, finally, I allowed God to take control of everything. Just because I trusted God doesn't mean it wasn't hard. My heart felt like it had split down the middle. At the same moment I closed the door to our home for the last time, my phone rang. My friend had called to tell me that they were talking about my arrival back to Minnesota on the radio. "They're already talking about you!" She squealed! I bursted into tears again. This was exactly what I needed to realize that where I was going, was where I was supposed to be.
On the ride back, my phone dinged constantly from peoples positive messages, to people asking if I would do all these different events. At the same time that was going on, Blake's phone was blowing up insanely with people wanting to book with him for his builds. We realized a huge thing, at this very moment. If we trusted God with our dreams, gave everything we had to him, even if others had bad thoughts or doubted us, God would not only helps us with our careers but make them flourish so much Blake would end up having enough business to go full time with his own business, and I would have enough gigs in a year to only work a part time job. Why do we want to share this story with you? Well because you see, I know how it feels to live in a small town. A town where it seems everyone is closed minded and there is nothing to do. It's freezing and there's no Target to shop at. No place really to shop at, at all! But what I can tell you is, I wouldn't trade walking into the local grocery store where Blake and I both had our very first jobs and realizing how far we've come.
Being able to visit our niece and actually be there in person on her birthdays instead of face-timing her. Having local people come up to you and ask if "you're the singer, or you're the guy that owns Inspire Dance Academy." I wouldn't trade being able to drive home to see my mom and sister in a few hours instead of only being able to see them once a year. I wouldn't trade living 1 mile from my in laws and being able to go on summer walks with my sister in law and help her plan her wedding. I wouldn't trade being able to be at every family holiday instead of being alone on Christmas because we can't afford to buy a plane ticket home. And lastly, I get to do all of this, while I still do my dream. So while I might complain about the cold, or get frustrated because this small town is 10 years behind the rest of the world. I will remember that because of this small town God has placed me in, I am able to do the things I love and the dream I have always dreamed of. Because in the end, no one has to understand why you did what you did, or agree with your path, because honestly, it's not their path, and it's already figured out for you. Even if you never thought your path would do a 180 and surprise the heck out of you. Even if sometimes you're scared to make that next step. And even if, it's the biggest risk you've ever made. If God told you to do it, you best get going.
-Saphire