November is National Adoption month. We started the process to do foster care over a year ago, but the journey has been years in the making. At a young age, my parents talked openly about doing foster care or one day adopting. Our house was "the house". It was rare that we didn't have someone living or staying with us that needed a place to go. My parents had an open door policy, and they both had hearts that longed to take in and care for others. Sometimes just for a few days, and sometimes for months at a time. At a young age, I knew I longed to have "the house" also, where everyone felt at peace, welcomed, cared for; like they belonged. I knew one day I would foster or adopt when I was older.
I met my husband Blake at sixteen. We got married four years later in 2017. It was the first year of marriage with no intention to rush into having kids. We planned to wait a couple years, enjoy the time, make some money, buy a home. Within that first year and a half of marriage, a movie came out called Instant Family. It's a story based on a true family who walked in the journey of foster care. We had just bought our first home, a fixer upper. We planned to flip it and move onto the next one. Blake had worked on flips in the past with his parents but this was the first one we lived in while working on it. I was home alone upstairs in our bedroom. Pink floral wallpaper covered the slanted walls and ceiling. As I watched the movie, I began to realize all the similarities we had with the characters. It was like watching our future unravel. I had no idea what the future would bring, but there I sat watching a screen hysterically sobbing. When the movie was over, I didn't stop crying for hours afterwards. I knew in my soul the calling God placed on my heart when I was young, was still alive. I researched adoption, and foster care but never followed through with the steps, life had a way of sweeping us up and carrying us through the next two years. In that home we had teens and young adults in and out of our doors. Sometimes for days at a time. Our couch held a lot of heavy hearts, tears and late night conversations. At that time we had no idea we would walk in infertility and struggle to get pregnant year after year.
Two years later, we sold our first flip. In short, God pulled out another miracle and blessed us with a gorgeous property and a home with 5 bedrooms. That detail is important if you plan to watch Instant family and then reread our story. I think you'll be a bit mind blown at the details that seemed to match our future, I know I was. God was foreshadowing our future through a movie and even then, I knew there was something special about the storyline.) I remember vividly telling Blake with wide eyes and lots of vision, that I couldn't wait to cram the bedrooms full with sweet babies and people that needed a place to stay. God told us our house was meant for ministry. Every aspect of us finding this home had the Holy Spirit written all over it. This home was also a fixer upper. One that would take complete stripping down, reshaping, restoring. I see now that Jesus was showing us physically through rebuilding this home, what He was doing in us internally. He reshaped, restored, pruned, rebuilt and prepared both of us for what was to come.
After years of trying to get pregnant, doctor appointments, and so many prayers. We were diagnosed with male factor infertility and told IVF would be the best route to go. We were told our success rate would be high. We scheduled appointments and planned to make our way to Colorado that summer for treatment. We even told people our plan. UNTIL... God said no. At first my heart felt confused. I'd waited my whole life to give birth to my own child. He promised me one day, that I would. But I heard him say clearly, "Not right now". We had talked a little about foster care over the years but nothing came of it. A few days later I randomly received a text message from someone asking if we'd ever be open to doing foster care. I lost it. That was my answer. I knew why God had said not right now. Things were starting to make sense. But how was I going to convince Blake that we should do it and do it now? I got contact information and asked all the hard questions I knew he would want answers for. And then I called, thinking in the back of my mind that the answer would probably be a no. Boy was I wrong. I told him about the text and how I felt like God was calling us into this and he started choking up over the phone. I knew at that moment, it was God. We both sat on the line with tear-filled eyes and a green light to where we were called next.
The process to getting licensed took around five months for us with all we had on our plates and the finishing touches that had to happen to our home to get it licensed. We went into this knowing we wouldn't be placed with those that needed a forever home. We knew the importance of family reunification. We knew the kids that came would probably have a short stay, but we also knew we were going to give them unconditional love no matter how long their stay with us was. We also knew we would do whatever it took to fight for what was best for them. At last we were ready!
And then God said no.
A month went by and still no. Another month and still no. Thanksgiving rolled around and I was feeling a little defeated like maybe I had heard wrong, but God had also given me some crazy insight into what He had in store. So much of it based around breakthrough and freedom. I was out in Nashville for the first time since living there, and the Lord allowed me to process and heal so many pieces of myself that felt unresolve. It was such a pivotal moment, a trip I could never forget. The conversations I had with Jesus each day of the trip felt like he was there in person chatting with me daily, revealing hints of what the future held. We got back home and things started to settle. I put up the tree. I shoved all my Christmas junk in the spare bedroom we had prepared previously for whoever needed a place to belong. I angrily closed the door and told myself this would be a storage room from here on out and for the next two weeks, that's what it was.
Two weeks later, I stood in the grocery store chatting with a friend who also did foster care and went on to adopt. I was wining. Telling her how I didn't understand why God made me wait to do IVF if we weren't going to do foster care either. I stood in the middle of Walmart for forty-five minutes on my soapbox. I was explaining how I didn't understand why this keeps happening and why we keep getting met with so many nos over and over again. Jesus was smiling. Probably even laughing at my complaints to him, because three hours later, we got the call for our first placement. Man did I feel dumb texting my friend that night!
I rushed home to clean out the bedroom that I had decided was now a storage room, running around like a maniac, I messaged family and friends to let them know we had gotten our first placement. A friend of mine was in town and headed over to join me in my frantic cleaning. We got the news they'd be coming and in an hours time, there they were. Foster care, adoption; The journey is not easy, there are many days you ask God how your heart can go on. It's a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. If you take the time to listen to a foster parent, you may notice one week they are on top of the world and the next they are questioning everything they knew before (a lot like being a regular parent) but it's a calling. One I believe Jesus takes seriously.
We rewatched Instant Family a couple days ago, and cried all over again. Watching it in the midst of being foster parents brought a whole new meaning to it. We plan to watch it every year around this time from here on out. So if like the movie, you are wondering if you are special enough to step into this call, know that God didn't lay it on your heart for no reason. He will give you the tools you need to hold on or to let go, each step of the way.
The rest of our journey is for another day, but I wanted to share our story because there are half a million kids in foster care right now at this moment. Begging for a place to call home. Begging for a love that's freely given.
I don't believe in accidents. I've witnessed God too many times to believe things are accidental. If He calls you, GO.
All my love, Saphire
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.