The past month has been a roller coaster of emotions. Happy, sad, fearful, excited, joyful. As many of you know, we've been praying for a child for the last 2 years. Each month, week and day is different and the feelings that come with it are different as well. At the end of January, I was feeling pretty down. I'm in constant conversation with God throughout my every day and at one point as I was having my frustrated conversation with Him about how I feel NOW is the right time, and questioning Him on His timing, I quite literally and sassily said out loud, "well what the heck do you want me to do while we're waiting for the RIGHT time Lord?"
I've talked before how great He is at slapping me in the face with all my questions. He decided to answer that question through our pastor on Sunday morning.
The sermon was about what we should be doing while waiting for a spouse, waiting for a child or waiting for a child to leave the house. #SLAP. He explained we shouldn't be just sitting there waiting and that each season there's pros and cons. So glad I got to be slapped this time, publicly. I tried not to make eye contact with him because he would be able to read the emotions strung all across my face. There was a lot of head nods and nudges to Blake through that sermon LOL!
I was talking with a close friend within that same week and she was explaining that she was feeling very down because she couldn't do the things she wanted to do since her main thing was taking care of her new baby. She was sad because she wanted to accomplish and do all the things she had done pre-baby. Sometimes it felt like all she had time for was feedings. I then thought to myself, "well I'd love to be sitting on my couch feeding my baby doing nothing else!" While she was desiring the ability of having more freedom and more time to do the things her heart longed for, I desired to be sitting on the couch in her place holding a baby. I looked at her and replied "Wow God works in weird ways. He's given us each other to remind us of the different perspectives there are for each season." What she would do for some freedom like I have, being able to spend quality, uninterrupted time with her husband, and what I would do to be able to feed my baby and do nothing else. Perspective is really everything.
We left a different friends house that next Friday at 10:00 PM. They needed to put their child to bed and were headed to bed themselves so they could get a good nights rest. Blake and I got in the car and said to each other so "whatcha wanna do now? It's only 10!" We ended up going home and playing a board game till midnight, laughing and talking about our future goals and house building plans. The thought crossed my mind of " I love this. I will miss it being just the two of us being able to love on each other, and have the time to focus just on us. I love spending time with him, he's my best friend. We do so many fun things together just the two of us and have the freedom to do so!"
So it got me thinking about Blake and I's list and all the reasons I love the season we are in right now. We really do have a different kind of freedom then we would if we had a child! We get to stay up late, wake up late, work on our own hobbies. We get to be fully engulfed in our marriage and pursing God together just the two of us. What if God wants our focus to be on something that we couldn't focus on if we had a child? What if we're so focused on the waiting we miss the great opportunities we have right now, right here where we are at.
So what can YOU do while you wait for your perfect little babe? Well, our list included; traveling more, dating each other more, working out together, reading the Bible weekly together, eating healthier together/ making meals together, planning out our house build together and lots more. One thing we really noticed was we have the opportunity to have people into our home at all hours of the night and build deep connnections because we don't have to attend to a babe or try to get sleep in the few hours that they are sleeping. We have the opportunity to give the people that need us our full attention because we don't have a little needing our focus. We don't need to worry about nap times, bedtimes, or feeding times (although we may desire that right now). How cool that we get to focus and grow our marriage and relationship? How cool that we get to learn more about each other and become better spouses?!
Let me be super straight forward, learning someone else's perspective doesn't take the hurt away of having empty hands or an empty womb. It doesn't take the hurt away of wanting a spouse and feeling so alone, or feeling empty because your kids are the focus and you want to accomplish your own goals. But as our pastor said, we all have different advantages that others do not and we can use those and should use those advantages for Gods glory in the waiting. Whatever season you're in be kind and understanding of the perspective others have. Whatever season you're in you have advantages others don't. So use them while you wait, the waiting season might be your best one yet <3
-Saphire