We sit in the front row.



For the last couple years my husband and I have grown immensely in our faith. It may have something to do with the trials we've gone through in the last couple years. In fact I know it is; Because of the growing we've had a lot of questions about christianity. There's many people that have told us they've been burned by christians or church. That christians put on this image that they are perfect, sinless humanbeings. That they believe they are put together and do no wrong. That their lives always have happy endings.


They're right.


There's some out there just like that.

Some that think after you become a "true christian" life goes smoothly from then on with no lumps or bumps. There's some that believe if you pray for something and it doesnt happen that you're faith must not be strong enough. Some that believe that if you do good works you can earn God's love. Some have been told by christians that they aren't good enough or worthy enough of God's love or worthy enough to walk into a church. Some fear that their past is too messy to ever be accepted. But I'm here to tell you why we sit in the front row.


My husband and I sit in the front row at church, coffee in one hand and the other slightly held up. But not too high because I'm 5'10 and I wouldn't want to block anyones view. Some may think were trying to prove something or trying to show that we have it all together, but listen for a minute to hear why we sit in the front row. We sit in the front row and my husband wraps his arm around me during worship. He's done that for the last 3 years. Our marriage almost ended and this front row spot has a special place in our hearts. A lot of tears were cried in this spot, then and now, but now we stand together linked at the hips because we know good and well that we are messy, not that we have it figured out. We sit in the front row and watch and listen closely. We sit in the front row every Sunday because we're not perfect, not put together, we've done things we wish we could take back.


We sit in the front row because sometimes it's hard to focus. We're two creative people and it's easy for our minds to slip away with all the big ideas we have concocting in our heads. We sit in the front row because we want to be all ears, all in to hear what our pastor is trying to speak into us. We sit in the front row because we love music and being front row feels like we're in another universe worshipping and praising. Doesn't everyone like to be upfront when a concert is going on? We sit in the front row not to prove something or to look like a good christian. We sit in the front row because we're so unbelievebly broken, messed up, and unworthy of Jesus's love, but we know how far His love can reach; there's nothing you could ever do to out run His love. We sit in the front row not because we know all the knowledge or have all the answers.


We sit in the front row because we desire to be more like Jesus. We sit in the front row because we have sooo much to learn. I mean does anyone ever feel like they've got this whole know everything about the bible thing down? If you replied yes, you're lying, there's ALWAYS something to learn, even from a passage that you've read a million and one times.


Despite what others think, we sit in the front row hand in hand because we know we need Jesus more than anything. We sit in the front row because we've been gossipped about, left out, not part of the cool group and we know we could never be good enough for anyone, but yet when we sit there in the front row we hear Jesus tell us we are good enough and worthy enough even after all we've done. He tells us we're loved by Him no matter who likes us or has opinions about our pasts. We sit in the front row because we know no matter who is at church that day, or what we have going on in our heads or the hurt in our hearts, we can leave it all there. Right there on the seats, tears streaming down our faces. We sit in the front row because we DO have fears, anixety, and questions. Did you know God wants to hear them all? Even when your angry at Him? We sit in the front row because we're not the perfect couple or perfect christians. The perfect sister, brother, child or friend. I dont know how you've been hurt or what you've been told, but we sit in the front row because we're not put together, we're not okay, we're broken and messy and we need Jesus. And we wont ever tell you different.


We sit in the front row because we know following Him means we're still going to mess up, and struggle. We sit in the front row because we know our life is going to have lumps and bumps but we know God's purpose is far greater than our own. We sit in the front row because we are humans filled with sin no matter how much good we do. We sit in the front row because even when we have doubts, fears and disbeliefs, He still loves us and works hard to show us just how much. I can tell you one thing, even the strongest christians, the ones that seem to have it all together, know all the bible verses, sometimes even their prayers aren't answered like they wanted.


I hope you know faith the size of a mustard seed is strong enough. I hope you realize if you pray for something and dont recieve it, that it doesn't mean not ever, but just not now. It doesn't mean you're not faithful enough. I don't know how you've been hurt or what you've been told, but we sit in the front row because we serve a loving God that loves us no matter what flaws we have and burdens we carry. We sit in the front row because we're not perfect christians, but we've watched God use us anyway.


We sit in the front row. How bout you?

© 2021 by Saphire Brown.